I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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