I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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