my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Quick, to the slutcave!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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