i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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