This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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