Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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