two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
