He kissed a someone with a penis
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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