She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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