Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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