A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
