i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
