what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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