If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
