thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
