i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
