I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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