How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
