I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
