birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
