The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
