it hurts more in the daytime
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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