I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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