it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
