DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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