You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
