I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
