I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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