hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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