it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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