Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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