i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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