The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
