those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
