Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
