hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
