; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
