Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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