im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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