Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
