but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
