i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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