dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
