I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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