she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
