his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
