dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is the high leading the old right now
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
