If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mom said you looked used
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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