I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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