i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
