Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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