Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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