Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
