Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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