i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
