Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I could fuck to npr.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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