Sober January is a disaster.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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