I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
