walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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