The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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