having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize