im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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