I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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