it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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