yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
