i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
