come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This baby is an asshole
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
