Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
