Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
