this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
